Naruto's Pain
by Zeref the Dark Mage
Summary: Naruto finds himself at Neji's grave on Valentine's Day wishing his dead lover was there with him. He tries to cope with his pain by drinking with Tsunade, but then learns that he has to learn to move on or he'll miss second chance at love.


**(A/N My first fan fiction, so please review and tell me what you think)**

**Also, Kishmoto own Naruto.**

* * *

"Neji, you have no idea how much I miss you." Naruto softly said. He let his head rest against the cold headstone. He silently wished it was Neji's shoulder he was leaning on. Naruto traced his fingers over the letters of Neji's name, recalling his final moments with the Hyuuga. He recalled Neji's final words, his dying wish so to speak, about wanting Naruto to find love with someone else and be happy, and not be sad and alone because of his death.

Naruto gave a humorless laugh. "Oh Neji, you'd be so pissed off at me for being like this. It's been ten years and I'm still sad and alone.

Naruto heard a soft sigh. He turned to see Hinata standing a few feet away from staring disapprovingly at him.

"You know, he'd be horribly upset if he knew you're sitting at his grave moping around like this." Hinata sadly said. She walked closer to him and placed her hand on his shoulder.

"I know, I was just telling him that." Naruto responded.

"Neji-niisan wanted you to be happy, Naruto-kun." Hinata added.

Naruto looked at her. He noticed the worry etched in her face. "I know." He murmured.

"Then why are you here sulking on his grave on Valentine's Day?" Hinata implored.

"Because….because he's the only person I'll ever truly love in that way. Neji was, is, and will always be my heart. I need to be close to him sometimes, and this is the only way I can be." Naruto whispered.

"Naruto-kun….." Hinata sighed.

"And you know I've tried to be other people," Naruto emphasized. "I really tried. I just don't get that spark of happiness. I just don't feel the same connection that I felt with him." Naruto paused for a moment and sighed. "I just don't think I'll feel the same way I felt with Neji ever again."

"Please don't give up hope. It hurts so much seeing you like this. I'm worried about you, everyone's worried about you. None of us can bear to see you so sad and alone." Hinata pleaded.

Naruto shook his head before standing up. He leveled Hinata's eyes with his before saying, "Look Hinata, I know you guys are worried because I haven't re-found and experienced the same love as the rest of you have. And I know you none of you want to be depressed or anything, but I'm not. I have all of you guys keeping me happy. Trust me Hina, I'm alright." Naruto gave her a warm, reassuring smile.

Hinata studied Naruto for a moment before giving him a small, hesitant smile. "Alright, if you insist Naruto-kun."

Naruto forced a grin before wrapping his arm around Hinata's shoulder, steering her away toward the Hyuuga Compound. He spared a sad glance toward Neji's grave. I love you Neji. He thought.

"So, Hina, how have you been faring lately?" Naruto inquired.

Hinata gently smiled. "Oh you know the usual. The twins are acting up as always. You know how Haru is. She acts just like her father."

Naruto snorts. "Loud and brash."

"Like a certain someone used to be." Hinata smirked.

"I have no idea who you're talking about." Naruto innocently responded.

"Sure you don't." Hinata laughed. "So, how's all that paperwork going for you…. Hokage-sama?"

Naruto groaned. "Why does everyone always add 'sama' when they know me? It's soooo annoying?"

Hinata giggled. "Because it's just so fun to annoy you about it." Naruto shot Hinata a mock glare.

"Oi, Hina! Naruto!" a person yelled. Naruto and Hinata looked to see Kiba run up to them. Hinata maneuvered to kiss him on the cheek.

"Hey Kiba," Naruto greeted.

"Hey Naruto, what's up?"

"Oh, nothing the same old, same old." Naruto said with a sigh.

Kiba noticed a pained expression flash across Naruto's face. "You okay man? I know you aren't always feeling the best…on days like this."

"Kiba, I'm fine." Naruto grumbled. He felt mildly annoyed about everyone worrying about him.

"Are you sure? I know you always leave red roses at his grave, but you still spend hours there. It isn't…"

"Kiba," Naruto growled, cutting the Inuzuka off. "I'm fine. I'm okay. You guys need to stop worrying about me. It's not like I'm here every day moping around for hours at a time. I just spend some time here every now and then. There's nothing for you worry about."

Kiba sadly looked at Naruto. "I know man, but it's been ten years. You really need to let go, everyone's worried. We don't want you to end up wallowing further in your grief because you're too stubborn to admit you're drowning in your pain."

Naruto pursed his lips. "I know where you're getting at, but I'm fine. Honest. I'm not as bad as you guys think." It's actually much worse. Naruto thought.

"If you insist, I tried." Kiba sighed shaking his head. "I worry about you Naruto."

"I know." Naruto quietly responded. He quickly looked at Hinata and Kiba, catching both of their eyes. "Hey, I'm gonna head out. I've gotta talk with baa-chan."

"Oh, well, good-bye Naruto-kun." Hinata emitted.

"Bye Naruto."

Naruto waved before turning and leaving the Hyuuga Compound. Hinata noticed Naruto's forced smile slip from his face.

"Kiba, why does he lie to us and himself? It's eating him up." Hinata cried softly.

"Because he's too stubborn, that's why." Kiba mumbled.

* * *

Naruto swiftly walked through deserted walkways to one of Konoha's ninja bars. He slid inside and instantly noticed everyone stop and look at him.

Naruto forced a slight smile. "Hey everyone."

"Good-evening Hokage-sama." The bartender greeted.

"Maa, maa there's no need to be so formal. We all know each other." Naruto said smiling.

"I know," the bartended smugly said, "I just love using it to mess with you Naruto." All the ninja burst out laughing in response as they gave their greetings to their Hokage. Naruto smirked in response and continued to where Tsunade was sitting. He sat across from her and grimaced at the multiple sake bottles at the table.

"You start with ought me?"

Tsunade snorted. "Tch, I just ordered ahead. You know how we get during this time a year." Tsunade poured their shots.

Naruto raised his glass. "To Neji."

"To Dan." The duo knocked back their shots. "How much you wanna bet they would kill us if they saw us right now?"

"It would be one of the few bets won by the Legendary Sucker." Tsunade glared. Naruto laughed in response. "I can imagine them forming a tag team on us."

Tsunade chuckled. "You got that right. Dan would kill me for missing my chance with Jiraiya."

Naruto cocked his eyebrow and snorted. "You really messed up with Jiraiya."

She narrowed her eyes in annoyance. I'm pretty sure Neji would be ticked since you aren't exactly making your move on a certain friend of yours. And I know you have feelings for them."

"You know I can't do that. It just feelings like I'm betraying his memory by replacing him." Naruto sighed before knocking back another shot.

"Oi, listen gaki, you gotta another chance at love, and you better now waste your chance. You're gonna regret it if you do." Tsunade sighed. "You aren't betraying Neji's memory by moving on, you're fulfilling his wish of wanting you to be happy with or without him. I know it can be hard sometimes, but you have to move on. I don't want to see you end up like me, sixty-something knocking back shots because she's alone and miserable."

"Baa-can…." Naruto whispered.

"You know, it would kill Neji to see you like this. Just like…..just like it would kill Dan and Jiraiya to see me like this."

Naruto swallowed. "I know but I keep thinking to myself what that person would think of me still moping over Neji after ten years. All my friends think there's something wrong with me, and I know there is but I just can't deal and I feel stuck."

Tsunade nodded. "Just take it slow. I know he'll help you through this if you're ready to move on."

Naruto nodded, with a hint of determination lighting his eyes. "I'll try."

"Good," Tsunade giggled, satisfied. Naruto frowned before bursting out with an uncontrollable fit of laughter.

"Oh Kami, why did we drink so much? I didn't even notice myself drink all of this." Naruto laughed.

"I told you we drink heavily." Tsunade giggled.

"I know but this is just sad. I never noticed till now."

"Notice what? How much we drink or how drunk we are?" Tsunade sang.

"Both!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Kami, this would be a real sad sight to see: the current and former Hokages drunk off their asses." Tsunade joked.

"It is a sad sight to see." A person commented. Naruto and Tsunade turned to see Shizune and Sasuke standing behind them with disapproving looks on their faces.

"We're in trouble now baa-can." Naruto whispered loudly.

"Really now gaki," Tsunade answered with a short laugh.

Sasuke shook his head at his friend's drunkenness. Dobe, why do you do this to yourself? Why can't you just deal with your pain in a better way? It hurts seeing you like this. Sasuke sadly thought.

"Why do you both keep doing this? It's both unhealthy and unbecoming. You're both lucky Shizune-san and I don't tell anyone about this. I know your friends would have a fit if they saw you like this, Naruto." Sasuke scolded.

The thought of his friends finding out about his problem caused Naruto to sober up a bit. "You're…..you're not going to tell them right?" he croaked.

Sasuke sighed, shaking his head once more. "Of course not dobe, it would cause more harm than good."

Naruto slightly hung his head before grabbing Sasuke's shoulder to help stand himself up. Sasuke clutched the drunken blonde, helping him steady himself.

Sasuke guided Naruto toward the door. "Come on dobe, let's get you home." Sasuke gently whispered.

"Oi, gaki, remember what we talked about!" Tsunade yelled. She was quickly quieted by Shizune. He heard her scoff and say something about helping his love life. Naruto rolled his eyes in response.

"Dobe, you really need to stop drinking you problems away like this." Sasuke commented, pulling Naruto's attention back to him.

"I know. I'm gonna work on it." He mumbled in response. "Besides, I'm gonna have one hell of a hang-over tomorrow, that'll teach me."

"Naruto," Sasuke sternly said. "I'm being serious right now. I'm worried about you."

"Isn't everyone," He growled.

"And rightfully so," Sasuke snapped back.

"I know, but I wish they would stop. It makes me feel even worse." Naruto whispered.

"Why? They….we only want to help. You've been like this for a decade, it's starting to scare people."

"I know but none of you know how hard it is. When Neji died, it felt like a black hole settled in my chest and sucked all my happiness away. I was depressed, so I drank with baa-chan to make myself feel better. She knows what it's to lose the love of her life, so I went to her and we talked and I started to feel less depressed and I worked toward not thinking of my loss." Naruto paused for a moment. "Sasuke, it takes a while to get over things like this. It took baa-can decades to get over Dan. I think I'm doing good, well minus the drinking."

A look of pain flashed across Sasuke's face. "I just don't want you to suffer anymore."

"I know but wounds like mine take a while to heal." Naruto said sadly.

Sasuke looked at Naruto with dismay. I want you to get better now dobe, I can't stand seeing you like this! Sasuke yelled in his head. He took a deep breath and sighed. "I understand Naruto. I just don't like it when you drink your sadness away."

"I'm sorry Sasuke." Naruto murmured. Sasuke studied the blonde for a few moments before coming to the conclusion that there was something else wrong with Naruto.

Sasuke shook his head as he led Naruto into his apartment and sat him down on his couch. He looked at Naruto and bit his lip anxiously. "Naruto, will you tell me the other reason for why you were drinking away your emotions?"

"Yeah," Naruto responded honestly.

"What is it?" Sasuke asked.

"I feel guilty." Naruto admitted. His eyes shadowed over.

"Why do you feel guilty?" Sasuke inquired. He felt worry gnaw at him, thinking of the possibilities of what Naruto blames himself for.

"Well, I've started to develop feelings for someone and it's reminiscent of love, and I feel that I'm betraying Neji's memory for feeling love for some else." He explained, choking over his words.

Sasuke released a sigh and wrapped his arm around Naruto and pulled the blonde into his shoulder. "Naruto, you're not betraying Neji's memory by loving some else. Neji wanted you to be happy, with or without him around. You were everything to him and it would kill him to see you miserable like this, beating yourself up like this."

"I know but it's so hard," Naruto cried, burying his head into Sasuke's shoulder. " I loved him so much and it's hard thinking about loving someone else."

"I know its hard Naruto but you have to try to move on. Maybe you should try telling the person that you feel love for that you feel that way for them?" Sasuke suggested, using a soothing voice.

"But what if they reject me, we've been friends for years?"

"If you guys have been friends for a while, then they know how hard its been for you, and try and work with you."

"Are you sure about that?" Naruto hesitantly asked.

"Positive."

Naruto looked at Sasuke with determination. "I know I'm still sorta drunk right now, but….I want you to take me very seriously when I say this."

"Okay," Sasuke said slowly.

Naruto took a deep breath. "Sasuke, I've started to develop feelings for you, love. It's not as strong as what I felt for Neji, but it's pretty strong." Naruto paused and furrowed his brow. "Wait, ignore that last part. I shouldn't have said that."

Sasuke gave Naruto a slight smile. "It doesn't matter, I get what you're trying to say." Sasuke paused. "Dobe, I love you too. Actually, I loved you for some time."

Naruto's eyes widened with surprise. "Then why haven't you told me this before?"

"Because you're still suffering from Neji's death. I didn't want to pressure you or scare you with my feelings. I want to help you so you won't have to drink or sit at his grave for hours for hours at a time to deal."

Naruto nodded. "So, what do we do now?"

"If you're sure you can handle this, then I'll do it,"

"I am." Naruto responded.

Sasuke nodded. "Okay, then let's talk about this tomorrow." He said as he stood up. He pulled Naruto to his feet with him.

"Why tomorrow?" Naruto whined, shooting Sasuke a slight pout.

"Because you're still drunk," Sasuke simply responded, guiding Naruto to his bedroom.

He quickly changed Naruto's clothes and tucked the blonde into bed. "Saaaasuuuukeee," Naruto drawled.

"Yes," Sasuke answered, looking at the tired blue eyes staring back at him.

Naruto bit his lip nervously. "Will you sleep next to me? I just really need someone to hold me right now."

Sasuke paused for a moment before agreeing. Sasuke quickly stripped his shirt and pants off, and slid in the bed next to Naruto. He pulled the blankets around him and Naruto before pulling the blonde close to. Naruto wrapped his arms around Sasuke's waist and rested his head against Sasuke's chest. Sasuke buried his face in soft blonde locks before he sighed with content.

"Thanks S'uke," Naruto sleepily slurred.

"No problem Naru." Sasuke murmured before falling to sleep.


End file.
